#metoo

Hey so I've been hesitant to type this post.

Usually I'm ready to sit down and type out my thoughts.

Not really feeling it at the moment.

Nevertheless, this will happen.

So alot has happened since May 2017.

My husband started his career in the Coast Guard and we moved to the East Coast (only for awhile, I left my heart on the West Coast. You should see us back there soon).

In November 2018, I gave birth to the most cutest baby in the world, Thomas Marvin Nichols. Afterwards, I had struggled alot with accepting living on the side of the country I can't stand and healing from being pregnant. Even more so, dealing with my difficulties with breastfeeding and managing a stay-at-home mom life. As I was dealing with all this (still dealing with living on the East Coast) I now have to deal with the trauma of my past.

Shit.

That's a total understatement btw.

Anyway, things are changing for me now. I have a different relationship with my family and extended family. I will explain.

Ok.

So, recently (like in past two months) I've had to face the pain of my past sexual assault.

Let's begin with a timeline.

I was sexually assaulted when I was around 12-14 years of age.

I was sexually assaulted by an extended family member on my mothers side.

I can't pinpoint the exact age because I've repressed the event for over 13 years.

Ok, now alittle backstory.

My parents never talked about sex or exposed their children in anyway to anything sexual. Even to this day. I get it. Talking about sex or your sexuality at a young is something that usually doesn't happen. However, as I was growing up my parent's were at a complete standstill when it came to understanding/dealing with individual sexuality and sexual harm.

Now, this means that my parents were not willing to talk/understand/deal with anything sexual. Literally, they have yet to be open to me about their own sexuality and/or sexual advice or education.

I know this is not uncommon. I've discovered that other people also have had parents unwilling to be open about anything sexual. This has always infuriated me and has proven to be dangerous.

I believe that my parent's generation (white christian middle class) is that way for two reasons.

First, women have always had their sexuality repressed thus have only begun to start to talk about their sexuality and sexual health.

Women have literally been killed and ridiculed for expressing/exploring their sexuality. This is even happening currently in certain cultures around the world.

Side note: refer to my blog post titled Witchy Women for more in depth information.

Even though that was centuries ago, the fear and propaganda still exists.  My blog post basically proves that.

Moving on.

For generations, women have been trained to believe that sex is essentially servitude to procreation and men's sexual desires. A women's sexual life is only something to be somewhat enjoyed but not really about being explored.

W.T.F.

Side note: people actually think that because I got married young and started having kids right away means that I'm a subject to that belief.

Fuck you.

I never was or will be.

Everything about my relationship/marriage has been a individual choice based on mutual respect and understanding. So don't ask if I wanted to get pregnant, or if having kids is such a good idea. Even worse, "I thought she would be popping out kids."

Fuck you. You know nothing about me. You should probably try to get to know me before asking shitty questions.

Rant over.

Moving on.

Women have also been SHAMED to thinking that being sexy/sexual is scandalous and wrong.

Ok, what's scandalous about feeling confident? Even if that means showing off parts of your body you feel confident about. What's wrong with expressing your sexuality in a healthy and safe way?

What the actual fuck.

Secondly, religion places a HUGE part.

Sex and the theology of the body is strict in religious cultures. In some beliefs, oral sex and masturbation are labeled a sin.

Also, the ever popular religious criticism is that of homosexual sex. Also, considered to be a sin.

Look. This is America. You have the freedom to believe what you want to believe but creating certain acts as sin creates fear. Fear is dangerous.

Also, what gives you the right?

Don't worry my stance on religion will be for a later post.

Anyway, fear is what holds people back from having healthy conversations about certain topics. In addition to creating taboo subjects and shame. Lots and lots of shame and alienation.

This is why I believe my parents and ALOT of parents withhold talking about sex or sexuality to there children. They are so FEARFUL of sex being sinful that they bypass the subject all together.

Which does two things.

Either it alienates the children or places them in a box of ignorance.

My parents are perfect examples of this. I was both alienated and a subject to complete ignorance.

It is so toxic and dangerous that my faith in organized religion are pretty much non-existent.

Again, that will be a post for another time.

ANYWAY, back to my story.

After I was assaulted, I never uttered a word about it until I began to understand what had happened to me. This began in high school when I finally began to learn about sex/sexuality. It took me that long to understand what had happened to me because I had to learn about my own sexuality from other people/society rather than having open conversations about it with my parents.

I didn't have open conversations with them because they were awkward and uncomfortable with having these conversations. As I began to understand, I literally asked them questions about sex and requested any information about the subject.

They refused to answer.

This is when the depression and frustration began in my life.

I was completely lost.

My parents were the two people in my life that I wanted so badly to trust, respect and depend on to be there to guide me through my struggles. They were the last people to be there for me emotionally, academically and mentally.

That's still true to this day.

HOWEVER, even though my parents failed me in many ways, I still love them. They have always been amazing grandparents and have supported Jacob and I in our other struggles.

But, I will never respect them.

Moving on, so where my parents failed me was when I was starting to become depressed and frustrated. Not only did I ask for them to give me the sex but my parents failed to react when I told them about my assault.

Now, in their defense, I was just beginning to understand what had happened to me and I didn't disclose the whole truth. I had two reasons for this:

First, I was in denial and shock that it happened. I wasn't ready to come to terms with what had happened and didn't really want to talk about it.

At least not with them.

The aftermath of my realization began with a shitstorm consisting of lack of conversation, denial, fear, stupidity, guilt and miscommunication.

Which lasted over 8 years.

When I initially told my parents, I didn't mention anything about rape. I didn't really understand it and at the time I couldn't wrap my head around that something like that had actually happened to me.

I had just implied that I was molested. I believed that that was only what happened for a long time.

At the very least, I was definitely sexually assaulted and molested.

Now I know that I was raped.

However, I say this without any proof. Honestly, I don't actually remember all of what happened. I believe this is because I've blocked out and suppressed my trauma all these years. Also, I've never filed a police report. I just know something happened.

So yeah.

.................

But my "proof" is that my "cherry" was already popped when I first had sex with Jacob and I was a virgin up until that point.

I've just realized this recently.

Very disturbing and mentally traumatizing.

I mean Jacob and I talked about it before and concluded that being an athlete could have been another factor (which could definitely been a factor) but regardless I know something happened.

Also, sexual assault is sexual assault. There is no in between. Thus, being raped or not being raped doesn't worsen the severity. Only in a court of law, of course. I'm saying that because my parents slid my trauma aside because they didn't take what I told them seriously or was severe enough for action.

Also, I believe they wanted to save their own reputation as parents.

.................

Side note: Jacob suggested that being an athlete might have been factor because it was before I came to terms with being possibly raped. Since I had yet to begun to heal or deal with it I didn't mention anything about being raped to Jacob or to anyone. Also, at the time my abuser was in prison and I was still in denial. I told Jacob about my assault and how my mom reacted to my experience and about my emotional turmoil. Jacob was the first person I actually trusted with this information and he has always been there for me. My relationship with Jacob is the reason I was able to be happy and pull myself from my mental struggles. Then and now. I will love you forever Jacob.

Also, of course Jacob knows all about this now and are taking active steps to making sure this doesn't happen to future generations.

Moving on.

Even if I had come to terms about it at that time, I don't think anyone realizes how that would have affected my new and first healthy relationship.

Jacob was the first person I trusted to have sex with. At the height of exploring my sexuality and healthy love, how do you think exploring my repressed sexual trauma would have affected my experience of healthy and beautiful sexual exploration?

I just needed to understand and explore what healthy sex and falling in love was like.

I wanted to finally embrace a healthy and loving relationship with a man.

I just didn't want to be alone anymore.

Jacob was that man for me.

Love you Jacob.





Anyway.

Although I told Jacob part of my trauma, Jacob was not the person I needed healing from.

I need healing from my family. I need healing from the trauma.

I was definitely not ready to deal with something so emotional; especially when I finally had found happiness and pleasure in my life.

I just decided not to dwell on it and live my life.

Mainly, because I didn't have to deal with possibly seeing my abuser ever again.

Or so I thought.

Anyway, back to it.

After I told my mom briefly about my trauma, she started to haunt me with my confession.

Meaning, she would try to get me to talk about it in casual and open conversation. She expected me to be comfortable with talking to her because she is my mother. However, I wasn't (still not). Instead, she lectured me about how I need to keep safe and always watch children and wanted me to talk about it in a non-private conversation.

I know that was her way of saying she felt guilty but yeah not giving her excuses; just giving you perspective.

Anyway, she never asked questions or referred me to therapy. She just brought it up awkwardly and in random discussions for about 5 years.

This is why I continued to suppress my experience.

I just completely shut down when it was ever mentioned.

Mainly, because I was so angry.

I mean my relationship with my parents has always been a semi-closed one. Since they couldn't even open up to talk about sex and sexuality, why would I be comfortable with talking about my sexual assault?

Whatever. I don't have a great relationship with my mother because of it.

I just didn't want to deal with it. It was to painful.

Ok so fast forward, after I moved back home from being in NC for two years, I began to go to school at my local community college.

This is important to note because this is when my paranoia really began to show.

Whenever I was by myself, I was constantly checking behind my back. I trained myself to be aware of what was going on and to hear everything that was around me.

I didn't think anything about it at the time but now I know why.

I still live in fear.

I live with the guilt that I didn't do anything when I was assaulted.

That guilt transferred into anger and paranoia.

To this day I can't walk or run for long distances with headphones or any kind of distraction.

I was training my mind to always be ready if something were to happen to me.

So that I wouldn't do nothing ever again.

Now that I've come to realize this, I'm preparing in a more healthy way.

Yeah, something positive. Kinda.

However, the fact that I NEED to prepare is what is wrong with our society.

That will be for a separate post.

Moving on.

Again, the reason this is all surfacing is because I recently found out that it might be possible I see my abuser.

Yeah, fuck that.

I mean not only I might have been but my family was to be near him as well.

Yeah, fuck that.

If that possibility didn't happen I don't think I would have ever talked about it.

It's just to painful.

I would have instead found healing within my own family and through therapies.

However, since I decided to be transparent about my past, I have found the courage from other survivors and the #metoo movement.

I'm so hopeful that the future for my children will be more protected, aware of sexual assault and stopping enablers and abusers.

There is more I can say about this but I'm done typing.

However, that doesn't mean that I don't want to talk about it.

Let me be clear.

To anyone out there reading this and know me personally or ever met me.

Just know this.

I'm healing from a lifetime of suppressed trauma.

Not that I ever need to validate my feelings or my changed behavior when I'm around people.

But just FYI.

BUT PLEASE if you are going through something similar, need help or want to talk, feel free to reach out to me and I'm more than willing to talk to you personally.

Also, if anyone has more questions. PLEASE reach out on my Instagram or Facebook. I'm more than willing to talk about this.

I will also post on my instagram my plans and current agenda for educating my kids (in a healthy and respectful way) about their bodies, sex and sexuality.

Lily already has been given some books about boundaries and body awareness.

She is three years old.

Just FYI I'm starting early because Lily has asked questions and is extremely curious.

Not only has she begun to explore her body but she wants to understand it as well.

Parents need to understand that kids are SO MUCH SMARTER THAN YOU GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR and when they are ready (you will know trust me) start to begin an OPEN/LOVING/NONSHAMEFUL conversation about all of these topics.

Because times up.

Times up for abusers. Times up for enablers. Times up for ignorance. Times up for liars. Times up for sexual trauma. Times up for shame.

Times up.

Lastly, a little piece of education. The perpetrator of sexual assault is most likely a family or close friend. Rarely, is it ever someone random or a stranger. Also, because of the latter fact, it's less likely to be reported because it's harder to criminalize your family and friends than a complete stranger.

Understanding this is key to awareness.

In addition, please watch this Youtube video of the survivors of the USA gymnastics sexual abuse trial against Larry Nassar. God, I don't even like typing his name on this page.

Anyway, the video is linked below:

Their courage is where I find mine. Their testimonies give me hope that the world is finally changing and the abusers and enablers will be no more.

Most importantly, quoted from the video, "We need to start focusing on the safety of children, rather than adults reputations."

This speaks volumes to me.

Because that is one of the primary ways sexual abuse is enabled.

Finally, I know they're are more survivors like me. Survivors also like myself that are alone and maybe in to much pain/aloneness to express themselves. I hope there isn't but there might be another survivor within my own extended family.

If so I'm here for you always whenever you're willing to come forward and we can heal/take action together.

You are not alone.

I also encourage everyone to write and speak their own truth.

That is how we can start to make a change.

And I'm here for you always.







So thats it.

This is my story.

Till next time.

I will surprise everyone with what I have in store next. I need some time. Thank you.

Peace, love and hustle.

NOT Anti-Vaccine

Heyyyyyy, soooooo this post will be offensive and emotional to some individuals. Also, it might create an influx of insults and mom bashing comments.

PSYCH!

PEOPLE I BELIEVE IN YOU. DO NOT FEED THE MOM WARS!

I BELIEVE WE CAN HANDLE THIS LIKE MATURE ADULTS!

But, seriously this will be a lesson people to practice open-mindedness, understanding and encourage a healthy conversation about this topic. Instead, of being assholes.

Anyway, for all the people who don't understand what's going on, the topic of vaccines is a super sensitive mommy subject.

Seriously.

It starts Facebook comment wars, parents purposefully don't let you hang out with your children, and medical professionals kick you out of their doctors offices.

I've experienced the last of the three situations.

Let me break it down real quick.

FIRST, I want to say I'm aware of the drama/shady situation with the doctor who started this topic of vaccines linked to autism and his downfall. Also, I'm aware that his findings were discredited and he's no longer a doctor.

That doesn't mean parent's stories or decisions are invalid.

Side note: if you don't know what I'm talking about look at the link below and do your own research about this doctor Andrew Wakefield.

http://time.com/5175704/andrew-wakefield-vaccine-autism/

Ok, back to it.

Secondly, just briefly, I want to say that I don't believe that vaccines are directly the cause of autism or other mental health issues. I believe that vaccines are FOR SURE a huge variable when it comes to the causes of autism/mental health issues. Other variables include, the child's diet, the parent's diet, amounts of stress and the degree toxicity in the child's life.

Anyway, you may not valid the doctor who first started this discussion but I'm valid and so is my family.

So here's my story.

SO, the medical community has a required amount of vaccines to administer to children. These vaccines are more than a few and literally start right out of the vagina till about fourteen years of age. Now some parents (these parents have all been lumped into a category that the media have called - anti-vaxxers) have different views and agendas from the medical community. They chose to not vaccinate or limit the number of vaccines given to their child.

Now, let's begin with a little moment of understanding before I explain my stance on the situation. Every parents handles their viewpoints differently. The different ways they express their views maybe annoying, ridiculous, triggering, angry, arrogant or ignorant. However, I believe that not one of these parents (myself included) refuse to believe in the science of medicine or deny that vaccines save lives.

I'm trying to help people understand that the "anti-vaxxers" think similarly about this topic. The only separation is that we decide not to vaccinate our children under the current vaccine system. Emphasis on current. That's why I don't say I'm "anti-vaccine." Yes, I don't vaccinate my children but that doesn't mean I don't believe in the science of vaccines. I would call myself a cautious and concerned parent. I don't need to call myself anything. In addition, the term "anti-vaxxers" is misleading when it comes to understanding parents positions about vaccines. Individuals who refuse to vaccinate their children shouldn't be lumped into the assumption that they're against the medical science of vaccines. Alas, I will continue to refer to parents who opt out of vaccines as "anti-vaccine" parents until someone lets me know of a better reference phrase.

Anyway, to begin we want respect from the medical professionals.

We're the parents.

We make the decisions in regards to our children.

Especially their health.

Respect that.

Ok, let's start with my story.

So, I first heard about "anti-vaccine" protocols from my mom when she was pregnant with my baby sister. I was fully vaccinated as a child but my parents decided to opt out of vaccines with her fifth pregnancy.

FYI - My parents are also now advocates for opting out of vaccines.

Here are the reasons:

Side note: this is one of the few things my parents and I agree on without having a lengthy/argumentative conversation.

I will explain about that at a later time.

Anyway, let me explain the reasons.

First, my family has a history of autoimmune diseases. My grandma has Crohn's disease and my sister has scleroderma. Both are autoimmune diseases. The reason this is important to our refusal of vaccines is that vaccines attack the immune system with varies illnesses. Sometimes more than one disease at a time. Since, as evident with our family medial history, we have decided that getting sick  naturally was a much lower risk than by attacking our immune systems on purpose, i.e vaccines.

Second, the amount of vaccines is ridiculous. Basically, since 1963 the amount of vaccines have gone from four to seventy two vaccines in 2018.

...............


Third, some vaccines combine two or three diseases at once that will attack the immune system simultaneously. Why combine two diseases at once? Why would I put double the strain on an underdeveloped immune system? Like, the fuck. In addition, these vaccines are required more than once in a lifetime. Like the MMR, influenza, DTap, HPV and Hep A, just to name a few.

................

Next,  I have a problem with being forced to inject my child with something that I don't fully understand. I have alot of questions. Such as these simple questions, what are the contents in vaccines? What are the risks for a family with autoimmune diseases? Why do we need multiple of the same vaccine in a lifetime? What happens if my child becomes sick/has allergic reaction to vaccines, will I be compensated? Can I sue? Again, Why inject multiple diseases at once? Why do more than one vaccine at the same time?

Yes, these seem to be simple questions but with complicated answers to access. Like, I ask these questions and then there is limited outlet for the answers. From what I've experienced, I'm given a information sheet that basically says vaccines are all-powerful and they should not be questioned.

Oh but if you do have questions, call the CDC and have them just confirm what you're reading.

Any legitimate questions or concerns are invalid because this is science and you're stupid.

.......................

Well, fuck you. My concerns and questions do have validation. I'm a fucking human being. How is asking questions being stupid?

Hmmmmm yeah, I don't completely trust doctors or the medical community. They want you to believe that they are all powerful, knowledgeable and always provide the best medical needs to your benefit.

Bullshit.

Hospitals, doctors, pharmaceuticals and health care professionals care about the profits. If they really cared about our health, they would focus on healing our bodies instead of just treating them. Healing meaning focusing on understanding how your current environment is effecting individual health. For instance, let's educate people about nutrition, toxic relationships, how food effects mental health, and alternative therapies. Instead, doctors usually just prescribe medication and told by medical professionals basically to shove off and nothing is wrong with you.

.....................

 Now, of course, some doctors do focus on healing rather than treating. However, in my experience, doctors just say take a pill and move on with your life.

Oh and pay me $400 for my time.

Well, thanks for nothing.

Side story, I've had a lifetime of overlooked mental health issues and nutrition problems. Doctors have yet to make me whole. I've found healing from my own intuition and research about what's best for myself and my families health.

That topic will be on my next post.

I think there's a problem with the health care system in our country when most of the time people (especially parents) are actually having to rely on their intuition to make medical decision for there health.

Like, what the fuck.

Ok, back to it.

Finally, my biggest problem with vaccines are the heavy metals. Yes, I know that the dose of aluminum and other metals are safe for each individual vaccine. However, if we're taking fifty or more vaccines in a lifetime to amount of heavy metals adds up with each vaccine. How can that not have an effect on our health?

Also, side story. Jacob received a flu vaccine a couple months ago. He was the literally incapacitated for a whole day. Jacob describes this feeling as debilitating, sluggish and achy. Now this was what happened to a twenty-five year old mans with a fully developed immune system, with no compromised family medical history. How would vaccines react to a underdeveloped infants immune system with a family history of autoimmune diseases?

Yeah, I'm not taking the risk to see my children go through that kind of pain and potential lifelong health problems.

Okay, here's the start of my summary.

Basically, vaccines save lives but the current vaccines agenda is to risky for our children. End of story.

Nah, just kidding I have more to say.

Ultimately, I can't just vaccinate my children without fully understanding everything. I don't trust the health care system and they're not going to put my children at risk because I decide to live an ignorance is bliss lifestyle.

Like, fuck that.

In conclusion, that's really why this whole vaccine situation exists. Parents are scared, lack all the facts and don't trust the doctors to be 100% uncorrupted from the greedy health care/pharmaceutial  system.

For anyone out there with inspiration for this way of thinking, check out Kat Von De's post about this issue. Linked below:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2018/06/09/kat-von-d-wont-vaccinate-child/688331002/

Kat Von De is a celebrity with multiple successful businesses. This matters because her viewpoint on vaccines and wellness could have an effect on her businesses. However, she chose to share the lifestyle planned for her unborn child to the world (the lifestyle is raising a vegan unvaccinated baby). Which considering her lifestyle choses it's not only brave but witchy and I'm all about it.

Side note: to understand my witchy reference go to my last post.

Anyway, to finally conclude, I'm well aware of my decisions and prepared mentally/physically for the repercussions.

So come at me.

The reason I say this because pediatricians have basically kicked me out of their office for deciding to not vaccinate my child. I get it. My child could be a liability but they didn't even let me explain my families medical history!!!!!

Still not over that.

If you can take away anything from this post it's that just fucking listen to people. Listen with a clear mind and open heart. Fuck all the noise from social media and news channels. Let's just be human.

Lastly, for any parents or anyone in general who needs support with this decision or has chosen this lifestyle and needs someone to back you up; just DM me on Instagram. I'll send you some love.

@marynichols27

Thank you.

Ok, so sneak peak about my next blog post.

I was writing about healing ealrier and how I've found little healing powers from doctors. This is true. My next post will be to elaborate about that.

However, what am I healing from?

Brace yourselves.

This will be an emotional post for me.

Just like this post.

I'm healing from sexual assault, depression, anxiety, nutrition issues, paranoia, lies, regret, body issues, failure and trauma.

#metoo

Stay tuned.

Peace, love and hustle.

Witchy Woman

Hey so I'm a witch but not the way you're thinking. 

Ok let me explain.

I don't worship the devil or practice magic but I understand the history of this word and relate to it on a symbolic level. When talking about witches and witchcraft, Harry Potter is usually my generations go-to example of an actual witch. That is for another post entirely. There will be an involved post about Harry Potter at a later time.

Ok, here is the first point I'm trying to make, the only definition for a witch should be associated with is an example from Harry Potter.

A witch should mean someone who is practicing actual witchcraft and/or magic in a fictional setting. Instead, the meaning of witches seems to be rooted in the believe that real people can practice magic. Thus, a fear was created resulting in the ideology that all "witches" and anyone "practicing witchcraft" are evil.

However, the meaning of a witch has been manipulated and used as propaganda for generations; even within my own family.

Now are there evil witches in Harry Potter, of course. However, being a witch is not why they're evil; they're evil witches in Harry Potter because they chose to be. Like any other being in the universe. 

Basically, if someone where to say that all witches are evil and lead to the devil (assuming they're real in the first place); that's like saying all black cats are evil and devilish. 

Logic. 

This logic is practiced by alot of individuals. Mostly, religious persons. Including members of my own family, such as my parents.

My parents never let me talk or be influenced by anything remotely related to witchyness or witchcraft because they believed in was from the devil. I understand their fears at some level, I do believe that the devil is real and can bestow harm and evil inside my soul. In addition, I believe that some forms of witchcraft relate to worshiping the devil; which is definitely not my cup of tea.

However, the manipulated meaning of the word witch (someone who is possessed by the devil or completely evil) was the reasoning my parents were using to protect me from anything involving witches. This stems from the not so ancient witch trials and executions that were influenced by white religious males starting in 1692. 

Now, my parents are very religious so some of that prejudice comes from there believe system. Let me clarify, my parents reasoning for some of there parenting decisions doesn't originate from their faith. Instead it comes from the myths and beliefs past down from the Angelo Saxon Christian ideologies, i.e the witch propaganda.  

Yes, the Christian and Catholic faiths were prejudice and that discriminatory influence is evident today.  

Ok, back to it.

See, individuals who practice magic (aka witches and wizards) are not real. Instead, civilized societies have associated this word with a made up character concept towards real people with unpopular behaviors. Obviously, no one can actually practice magic. 

Then why do I call myself a witch? 

Well, historically (most of the time) being a witch truthfully meant that you're an individual with different or new behaviors/ideas that are unpopular but had no outlet of expression. The witch trials were created because the patriarchy wanted to eliminate any form of self-expression and personal freedom, especially to women. 

Now, I have done some research on the history of the meaning of witches but there is definitely information I haven't reached and would like to be educated on. Please let me know, through various means of the internet. Anyway, the what sparked this interesting topic was a book called, "Women Who Run With the Wolves." by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.  Here is the book below:

https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Run-Wolves-Archetype/dp/0345409876


This is an amazing and lengthy book and speaks to my soul on so many different levels.

It's one of my favorite books.

I admit I have yet time to read all of it but what I have read is relevant to this post. The first twenty pages alone bring up the truth about how women's stories have been lost, manipulated and changed over time mainly by religious and dominate white male groups.

This passage from the book was a huge Woke Note for me,

"Sometimes various cultural overlays disarray the bones of stories. For instance, in the case of the brothers Grimm (among other fairy-tale collectors of the past centuries),  there is a strong suspicion that the informants (storytellers) of that time sometimes "purified" their stories for the religious brothers' sakes. We also suspect the famous brothers continued the tradition of old pagan symbols overlaid with Christian ones, so that an old healer became an evil witch, a spirit became an angel, an initiation veil or caul became a handkerchief,  or a child named Beautiful was renamed Schmerzenriech, Sorrowful. Sexual elements were omitted. Helping creatures and animals were changed into demons and boogeys. This is how many women's teaching details about sex, love, money, marriage, birthing, death and transformation were lost. It is how fairytales and myths that explicate ancient women's mysteries have been covered over too. Most old collections of fairytales and mythos existent today have been scoured clean of the scatological, the sexual, the perverse, the pre-Christian, the feminine, the Goddesses, the initiatory, the medicines for various psychological malasies, and the directions for spiritual raptures."


...................................

Just take that all in.

Ok, so why is this relevant, you say?

This example is another version or exterminating the culture of femininity and the Goddesses of women everywhere. 

Women have not only oppressed for thousands of years but our stories and truth have been altered. Women were even killed for express any type of "wild women" or women who wanted to change the status quo.

Which was the whole point of witch trials and the propaganda meaning of witches.

The infamous witch trials, of literally killing women because they decided to pursue their own happiness, were far from enough. Societies patriarchy had to snuff out the stories and aesthetics of women to replace them with whatever version they saw fit.

Yes, witch trials and executions were at one point real. The term witch hunt is still used today by numerous white overly privileged men in the White House. Trump has recently made the term reappear in the media. Anyone, who uses that word casually (like Trump) obviously doesn't give shit about the words history. Don't be naive and think that Trump has no clue of the words context or history. That asshole knows.

As a reminder, a witch hunt was literally to seek out individuals (almost always women or girls) sabotage there reputation, ridicule with abuse, make them into criminals and use deliberate harassment to ultimately wipe them out of society. Literally.

..................................

Yeah, and Trump knows perfectly well that that word toward someone historically meant a death sentence on an innocent person.

Alas, he used that word to try and offput the media's criticism of the surrounding shady dealings within his administration.

The amount of arrogance and privilege he had when using that word is sickening.

Fuck you Trump.

Anyway, that got out of hand quickly. Ok, back to the scheduled program. Don't worry my thoughts on Trump will be scheduled for a later post. I hate how Trump is part of my generation. Literally, the popular stories I'm going to be telling my grandchildren is about how our progressive American government was fucked up by Trump. I just really wanted that shit to be over with the end of Bill Clinton's presidency. *sad face*

ANYWAY, there are several theories for the causes of the famous witch trials and burnings. I found a great article that specifies six possible theories. Linked below if you care to read:


http://allthatsinteresting.com/salem-witch-trials

I believe that most of these theories are actually answers to what happened to these women whom were burned alive or punished severely for being so called "witches." One theory stands out to me and the reason I call myself a witch or a witchy woman. Here is the quote from the article above:

"When examining who exactly was accused of witchcraft, there are a number of demographic discrepancies which have hinted at the possibility of ulterior motivations.

In his book Entertaining Satan: Witchcraft and the culture of Early New England, John Putnam theorizes that the witch trials were essentially a teenage rebellion against the authority of their elderly parents, as most the accusers were teenagers and most of the accused adults.

Feminist historians have interpreted the trials as just another means of the patriarchy to persecute women who acted in ways contrary to the accepted social norms of the time. In Salem, as is the case in most witch trials, women were the primary targets of accusation and particularly women who did not prescribe to the social norms of the time."  

I think that witch trials were basically a sophisticated and legal way of lynching individuals, especially women. The slightest rebellion, natural orgasmic spasm, non-religious antics, non-popular opinions or sexual exploration (basically exploring any kind of freedom to be an individual) was squandered literally by death.

This is why I believe myself to be a witch. I have the desire and spirit to go against the mold and rebel against the status quo. Also, fan girl moment, because I want to be Hermione Granger in Harry Potter. :)

When you actually dwell upon it, because every women should take a second to remember that our freedom was a one point non-existent (it still is for some), there is nothing else a women can be but not subtle. We were meant to find the wild women inside our souls and bring her to life in the most explanatory and witchy version possible. 

However, since anything with power is squashed by the religious patriarchy of past and present time periods, I implore women to understand our history, practice witchy things, search for the wild women inside your souls and let her be free. 

BTW, did you know that one of my witchy practices is that I stay away from the current protocol for vaccines? In other words, my children aren't vaccinated. Let me demonstrated by typing how the world feels about that......

kjsadbfisughpjvfbnasdfighvoiuhKSLJHDFPAIEOUVBNIP;KDJVFB ;SKADFNSO[IHESGOUIBHDKJFVNB;ALKDFVJ[IHWHATTTTHEFUUCKISSSWROONGGWITHYYYOUUUA;LKSDJF;AOISRUTOIHGKKKEEEEPPPYYYOOOUUURRKKKIIDDDSSSAAWWAAYYFFRRROOOMMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!

Well fuck you. 

Tune in for my story about vaccines. Caution: you might be triggered. 

Okay, take a breath. 

Stay tuned. Shit about to get real. 

Hopefully my posts won't be so heavy and more fun. 

Maybe. ;) 

Peace, love and hustle. 

like realizing stuff

Hey so here we are again. Now I'm writing this in the middle of the day and again my son is asleep. I have limited resources when it comes to help with watching my children or parenting needs thus I will usually be publishing my thoughts when they are asleep. Well, now this is the opportunity to explain a little bit about myself and my life. SO I'm a married twenty six year old white chick with two children under five. My husband is a badass law enforcement personnel for the US Coast Guard. I'm a badass stay-at-home mom living in Delaware and currently working towards my goals/dream; which is a topic for a later time.

I'm also an advocate for
veganism,
plant-based lifestyle,
gardening,
holistic medicine,
cloth diaper promoter,
fitness,
zero-waste,
outdoor learning,
research parenting,
gentle parenting
and pop culture nerd.

Ok, let's begin with me explaining why I need to explain myself. These topics have depth. People have verbally come at me for the lifestyle I choose for myself and my children. Explaining the reason I don't eat animal products and promote a zero-waste living is extremely hard for individuals to grasp. I've come to understand that there are two reasons behind peoples insecurities.

First, its goes against everything they have been taught. From an early age, American society has made sure that families always NEED something and since single-use items can be produced cheaply with a high profit margin thus thats what you see in the stores. We have been set-up from infancy that more is better and cheap disposable items were the best items to give children because it doesn't take much thought or hurt your wallet to buy a stuffed animal. I still have more to say about this at a later time.

Secondly, I've realized that when I introduce my lifestyle and people are defensive it's because they are trying to find legitimacy towards there own lifestyle. If someone's comes up with a snarky or insulting comment it's because they are angered by their own ignorance. Wait, giving my children goldfish for breakfast and letting them drink/eat artificial foods is something I should think twice about? Oh, cloth diapers save you money and the planet? I wish I could reply with, "Yeah, no shit Julie." However, I have a lot of compassion and helpfulness towards these individuals because I used to be the parent that would give my daughter goldfish and fruitsnacks for breakfast. Also, I've used disposable diapers. I've come far from that and I'm proud that it didn't take me a life time to come to this place in my life. Shout out to all the people who learn from there mistakes and make the most out of whatever lesson from that mistake.

Okay, so let's get into it.

I know, I know. I need to get into the topic of cloth wipes. Ok, let me start out by saying whenever I post this I will be showing the wipes that I use on Instagram thus please follow me there:

@marynichols27

B.T.W - you're welcome Rose for this :)

First, I need to shout out my girl:

@thefairlylocalvegan

Listen, this amazing mom makes youtube videos of her vegan, holistic, homemade food master and zero-waste lifestyle. She is my ultimate inspiration when it comes to saving money and being more conscious human. This lovely lady, Amber, is my inspiration for cloth wipes. I will link her youtube video below.

Now, my current situation with cloth wipes is at an early stage. I'm not near the level of Amber and her family. I still buy toilet paper (because Jacob refuses to use the bathroom with cloth wipes lol) but I use cloth for my self and the kids. I use fabric that is 100% cotton and are pieces of some barely used cloth baby blankets. They are super ghetto because I don't have a sewing machine and nobody has hooked me up with there sewing abilities. Therefore, the ends are frayed. However, they serve there purpose just not where I want them to be stylistically. Anyway, that's right my vagina is being wiped by cloth baby blankets. Yup, I understand my choices. Comment and judge as you may. I simply refuse to spend $10-20 a month on something disposable. Seriously avoiding sending my money down the toilet. That one was for you Rose. Love you. :)

I'm sad to end my thoughts here because my son may wake up any minute and I want to watch TV before I go bed. Damnit I have so much more to type. Whatever. My thoughts will eventually be organized on this blob blog.

Stay tuned for my next Woke Note (a phrase I use to get people prepared to read something mind blowing). You're welcome. Also, hopefully my next post will have more sass and witchy thoughts. Wait what? You think yourself as a witch?

Stay tuned.....

Peace, love and hustle.

I can't fucking believe it's June already.

Hey, so I'm starting a blog. I'm in my home right now trying to get as much done as possible before my son wakes up. 
He's 7 months old and the cutest being in the world but that boy gives me anxiety like no other. The best way to describe him is like perfect frosting, it's amazing but that shit has consequences. Vegan frosting that is. Oh yeah I'm vegan. 

Another topic for the near future. 

Moving on, you like my background photo? I love it. AH they're a plethora of topics I want to discuss but also maintain some level of organization/order. Have you ever thought "hmmm how would it feel to put my brain on the internet?" 

Well, thats basically blogging and it's a moody situation. Anyway, I have been wanting to create a blog for awhile now but my delay has been waiting to figure out how to start a blog the "right" way. I've been hunting around websites, class seminars and watching youtube videos (btw this is also for Grace and David, I hope you'll follow my lead and make a virtual blog debate/discussions together). The fuck. ALL of those websites they suggest are ridiculously annoying and make it such an obstacle to get started. 

Apparently, Squarespace, Wordpress.com and Wordpress.org (to name a few) are the ideal starting points. Ok, Sarah with 10K Youtube subscribers - great you got a brand deal with Squarespace and that's why you recommend it but do you have a blog.... uh no. 

Anyway, all the websites individuals were recommending were snuffing my creative vibe thus here I am at 12 am on a Monday typing onto Blogger; which is my old homey from back in the day when I didn't overanalyze the situation and let individuals, who can make youtube videos/colorful Instagrams, make me think they now something(yeah lots of shade on this blog). 

Thanks Blogger, I think your blog platform is more than awesome, definitely recommend. 

That's all I got because I'm tired and I have to poop using my zero waste cloth wipes. Yes, you read right. 

I'll save that for the next time. 

Welcome to my blob bloggspot. 

Peace, love and hustle.